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What is the force that binds the stars, I wore this mask to hide my scars

January 12th, 2009

(no subject) @ 04:41 am

So my life has taken some interesting turns in the past couple of weeks.  Note: interesting.  Not bad, or traumatic, or negative (probably far from such), but just "interesting".

A few days before my parents were due to leave for Florida (probably on the 2nd?), I went over to my parents to discuss taking care of the apartment for them while they were gone for the month.  Instead, we got into this heavily emotional one sided conversation (heavy on their part, I did alot of listening and dead facing) about how I wasn't responsible and how I was having ultimatums being put on me.  No yelling, no drama, but some crying on my moms part, concerned looks and tones from my dad, and me just sitting there in the chair facing them, being this weird sort of unemotional "rock" through it all.

Basically, I had three "regulations" put down on my plate:

1.  I need to keep the apartment pristine when they are gone

2.  I need to branch my cell phone off of their family plan and onto my own (painless enough)

3.  I need to move out of Chinatown

Regulations Expanded:

1.  This seemed to upset my parents the MOST, especially my mother.  I wasn't too put off by it, but apparently my parents had a whole ginormous discussion about it with each other, because they hate that when they come home, the place is "a pigsty because [I] have no respect".  Granted, I should take care of things better, but this is what they mean by "pigsty": dishes in the drying rack, a bag or two of (clean and folded) laundry by the front door, my towel hanging on the shower rod.  This does NOT mean garbage, papers strewn, bathroom unkempt.

Basically, I have not left the house exactly as it was found, and it infuriates them.  I'm trying not to come across as facetious (though it is tough), I understand since I hate someone coming into my space and moving my crap around (and I cant even yell at them for it), but it's a bit crazed to think that someone (youre related to who youre not paying to maintain the house) is going to come in and not leave a thing out of place.  Basically, if I so much as leave a rubber band on the dining room table, I'm never allowed over there when they're gone ever again.  It's severe, and incredibly neurotic (which my mother has graciously acknowledged, at least). 

At worst, it has made me somewhat neurotic in turn each time I go over, retracing my steps over and over, paranoid of a spoon left out to dry, a magazine on the table, my hairbrush on the counter instead of tucked away in its cubby.  It also makes me realize that I'm a slob partially out of spite for my incredibly anal mother.

2.  Nothing much to explain here.  Aparently, when four phones are on a family plan, and one of those phones never gets used (grandmother), the minutes are still "supposed" to be split the four ways, and I get yelled at for going over my "allloted" minutes (the number of which was never actually given to me).  Last month my parents (who also have a landline) apparently used 16 minutes of the plan, my grandmother 0, and I used somewhere around 150-200. 

This, for some reason, infuriates my mother, which is funny, seeing as, given the breakdown, I should technically get 175 minutes anyhow, since its about 700-800 minutes shared (I repeat SHARED, isnt that the point of a family plan? Basically appx 600 minutes get wasted each month based on this "principle") and technically I dont even think I went over.  Also, in the past I have never caused my parents to have to pay extra for going over in minutes.  It was enough that I received a text from a friend (uninvited) and I replied back, without having a texting plan, and it cost my mom and extra 20 cents that month.  Never heard the end of that one, and I wish I was kidding, but I'm not.  After that my mom set it up so that texts couldnt be received or sent on the phone, so that even if I received an errant text, it wouldnt reach me and charge her.  After all this drama, I'm kind of glad to split off.  When dealing with my mother, "I'll pay you $20 to shut the hell up about this $2 mishap" is always a deliciously appealing prospect.

3.  This subject is actually pretty easy to approach, believe it or not.  I've been feeling this mindset for quite awhile (I have two boxes in my parent's storage room full of books from when I was thinking of moving out in 2004, barely 2 years after moving in), it got a bit worse when I finished SVA, and it suddenly got ALOT worse when I started at LaGuardia again, I think because I felt like I was independant (paying my own tuition, my groceries, working my own crazy hours), yet I was coming home to find my grandmother had been in my room, moving stuff around and being a general annoyance (yes I understand its her house, that doesnt mean it isnt annoying). 

It's a little scary, but it's mostly a huge relief and a weight off my shoulders, since the subject of "when is it time for me to move out?" was never really approached (and I think it should have been), and I always kind of felt like I was lying in wait for something awful to happen that would occur so that I'd be forced out.  Rather, this is a better alternative, and I'm glad to be making this step that should hopefully stabilize me and make me feel more comfortable in my skin (note the whole "perpetually stuck at 17" feeling I've been plagued with for years).  Money may (probably will) become an issue, but it's definitely gotten to the point where the free rent thing isnt worth it anymore, by a long shot.

So I'm probably looking to move to Queens (My heart is in Brooklyn, but due to school and work it's just not convenient for me).  Astoria preferrably, but anywhere with a 24 hour train works for me, more so if that train goes directly to the city (i.e. not the G).  My budget limits me severely, preferrably it's $450-500, $550 if I happen to find an amazing place, $600 for a once-in-a-lifetime, possibly short term rental).  Won't be easy, but that budget is more realistic than I expected, if Craigslist/friends aren't blatantly lying to my face.

And so, my life has taken the "interesting" turn, as of late.  I welcome it, and hopefully (probably) can hold my head above water.

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Date:January 12th, 2009 11:33 am (UTC)
i say call them on it and walk the fuck out the door. passive aggressive bullshit has no bounds and people need to know that their shit isn't right

(this could just be being overly pissed at an enormous amount of crap lately)
...but still

What is the force that binds the stars, I wore this mask to hide my scars